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KEEP THOSE FLAGS FLYING!

July 16, 2010 by Melanie Walker

Pic Kim Ludbrook/EPA

Pic Kim Ludbrook/EPA

And the winner of the 2010 Soccer World Cup is….. SOUTH AFRICA!!!

It’s over. It came, it played, it conquered, not only the hearts of all who were here in Mzansi, but those of hopefully every viewer in the world. We felt it. It was here. It was time. And the time was fabulous. A time when everybody was shouting WOZA! Come to South Africa – come feel the Magic, the gees, the warmth of an SA winter. The flags were up and out, brightening up the souls and lives of all who passed them – a cheery sight in the heart of a Jozi cold snap when everything’s pretty drab and grey…

And they came, they saw and it was good. All those naysayers proven wrong (haven’t seen any retractions from them as yet – but then, I don’t do newspapers, except on Sundays for the crossword puzzles).

I ended up writing the scripts for one of the magazine shows which went out daily on Supersport, dealing with all the comings and goings of the celebs (of course, the best joke doing the rounds now that Paris Hilton should be fined by FIFA for breaking the endorsement code. The sponsor was Coke, not marijuana!!), the WAGS, the best bodies (of the soccer playas, natch) and all the hype and sideline stuff that accompanied the biggest event to ever hit African soil. And although I’m by no means a fan of soccer (I’m an unadulterated Bokkie!), it was all this other stuff going on that actually got me going.

K’Naan got us going at the outset by Waving his Flag, Shakira came and shook her booty and the Arch-partier – Archbishop Desmond Tutu – won our hearts by getting down and boogying when the going got hot. There were an international bunch of loonies on a round-the-country trip, chasing a Makarapa, and getting to all the games to boot, much discussion about the dreaded vuvu/kudu/amazulu/zelas (which were banned in my house) and double doses of football fabulousness every day. What was not to like?

The one thing which I think most South Africans, regardless of colour, came to realise was that when Bafana Bafana lurched off the field, the ‘umlungus’ didn’t immediately switch their allegiance to one of the European teams. No, we all decided to back Ghana, and started flying their flag. And we all mourned and moaned when they didn’t make it through to the semis…

Walking and driving the streets during this past week, it’s so cool to see that not everybody has taken down their colours. And the feeling of goodwill seems to still be permeating the majority of like-minded Saffers. And what’s really warmed the cockles of my heart was my direction being turned to the creation of a website reminding us that this once in a lifetime experience doesn’t have to only be one month of our lives. It’s something we can continue – if we want. www.keepflyingtheflag.co.za – well done! If we’re all thinking like this, we should be able to make this country something really great…

So, all of you who know somebody who’s already moaning – possibly because they’ve got SWC withdrawals, or SAD, or just ‘what on earth am I going to watch on TV now’ depression (I’d like to suggest the Tour d’France as a quiet antidote to the hecticness, by the way!) – tell them to cowboy up, and check out the site, and get proactive. We had the greatest jol, so grab a regmaaker and get rid of that hangover – and get out there smiling to face the next day! Just because the soccer’s done, it doesn’t mean you should drop the ball. Get a kick out of this new, shiny Mzansi. Boot all the pessimists out of the ball park (and hope like hell they don’t land on a powerline – we’re still hoping that we won’t have too much loadshedding…) and shout out to all those people still visiting – and still to visit the country – WELCOME TO e-GOALIE!

Yes, it’s time, I feel, for everybody to just get on with it. To do the best they can for not only themselves and their families, but for their neighbours. To wake up every day thinking “how can I make the world better for those around me, regardless of who they are?” It’s a tall order, considering the people on the streets here won’t even give way when they’re supposed to at a traffic circle, but giving, something or somewhere, would go so far to lighten the spirits of the people in the city. Or, if that’s impossible to ask of the people of our colourless city, all I request is that they just keep their flags flying – at least until spring arrives and along with it the flowers.

(PS. My other half reckons that they should introduce the Vuvuzela to golf. Really test their ability to score under pressure!)

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Woza for the Diski Dance! Wave that Flag…

June 4, 2010 by Melanie Walker

Diski DanceOh yes, a mere six days until all the planning either comes together – or comes to naught. But I reckon there’s absolutely no doubt in everybody’s minds that the Soccer World Cup is going to be epic! (Not to be confused with the Cape Epic, a mountain bike race over 8 days where the lunatics taking part climb the equivalent of Everest twice.) Although this has been a fairly Herculean task, because, after all guys, This Is Africa.

But the spirit of Ubuntu, which is alas sadly lacking the rest of the time, has managed to shine through, and it looks like everything will slot into place, albeit perhaps at the 11th hour.

The shiny new stadia look fantastic, hundreds of thousands of trees have been planted in strategic places by City Parks in Johannesburg, the streets have been kinda cleaned up (although they haven’t finished all the roads, but have taken off the heavy equipment which has been causing havoc on the arterial routes and highways), and the people are getting in on the act en masse.

A friend of mine, who used to live not too far from me in London, and lives not too far from me back here, remarked on one of our meandering walks around our lovely Parks suburbs that she’d been remembering walking in London when Lady Di and Prince Charles were about to get married, and the sense of British – or national – pride that permeated the very air you breathed. Flags, pennants, well wishing signs, and symbols of joy fluttered blithely from most fences, especially when travelling on the overland sections of the underground.

It’s happening here.

Cars have sprouted South African flag ears, as the side mirror socks turn a necessary piece of equipment into something quite colourful. Flags are waving joyously from car aerials, people’s security fences and electric wires (although what that’s doing in terms of shorting out the darned things and making them make that infernal clicking noise all night, the Lord alone knows…), vuvuzelas get blown at strange times, and kids are sporting flag transfers on their faces every day of the week.

Now, I’m a Bokkie, which means my sport of choice is actually rugby. I’ve never really watched a soccer game, unless David Ginola was playing, and although I kind of know the offside rule, I find the one in rugby a lot more interesting!

However, watching teachers, children, ground staff and parents getting up and doing the Diski Dance at a special school soccer event, listening to the children as they brought us fascinating facts about the countries who are coming here to take part in the tournament, and the excitement it generated for all the kids at our little Model C school actually almost brought me to tears. This is what I think so many of us have been waiting for. Finally. A coming together of the people of South Africa. Especially when it comes to getting the Diski Dance right!!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Oh Rubbish! I Refuse to believe it can’t go full cycle…

April 29, 2010 by Melanie Walker

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head. Eric Hoffer

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head. Eric Hoffer

Interesting how something really big has to happen before anybody starts thinking about their impact on the environment. Unfortunately, it’s inevitably the people who are already aware of it who do something about it, whereas those who should take cognisance of the negative effect their wasteful ways … do not much else but complain.

During the recent nationwide municipal strike, bins began lining suburban streets, and in most cases were overflowing. Daily, while the strike continued, more and more refuse joined the spillage. But how many of the thousands of Northern Suburbs complainants actually did something about it? It’s all too easy just to consume, consume, consume, and throw away, throw away – not even giving a second thought to how this one way flow of waste could be minimised. Plastic, tins, paper, garden clippings and dog poo all go into the same bin. After all, why should they bother doing anything about it? They pay their rates and taxes, so it’s Someone Else’s Problem. And no, WE’re not in the scheme where they have different coloured bins for different things, so it’s just TOO much hassle to sort it out. Even to the extent that rather than afford the guys who troll the streets going through bins to get reusables from THEIR bins, they deliberately put the stuff that could be recycled with contaminants, rendering it completely unusable – “because those guys don’t have the right to go through my bin…”

I’m fairly glad to say that this problem just made our little household more aware of the Reuse, Reduce and Recycle ethos. Although our property is not that large (the Hurst is known for it’s ‘villagey’ quality, hence small space!), we have a mini-woodland area of mainly endemic trees so birds can come and visit happily, a fairly successful veggie patch, a compost heap, a chicken tractor and a worm bin. I know what goes into the compost I use to feed my vegetables, the chickens clean up any pests and aerate the soil with their digging for grubs, any bad worms in the earthworm bin are pulled up by putting in stale bread soaked in milk, and then fed to the chickens. There’s a whole cyclical thing going on here. Paper gets recycled through Mondi, plastic containers and bottles are separated and put into a bag for the ‘scavengers’ – along with any leftover food that’s still good, so they don’t have to rummage – you name it, we’re finding a way to deal with it responsibly! And that goes for not buying things in too much packaging… (Hence, during the strike, our bin was pretty much empty – although the moment we put it out, our really caring and considerate neighbours decided to fill ours up with their junk….)

I may sound like an old fuddy duddy, but although we may live a vaguely ‘boho-chic’ life in the ‘burbs, we’re supposed to be the people to create an awareness. It actually frightens me how completely uncaring so many Upwardly Mobile people are towards not only the environment, but those around them. So many will shop at the stores that are ‘green’, but don’t do anything green at home. Electricity outages? Well, we’re okay, we have a generator. Of course, the more conscious among us have already gone solar and for UPS storage – quiet and clean – kinder to the neighbours too!

Even Pikitup are totally proactive. When I’m not using my own homemade compost, I buy their brand, which they make from all the garden refuse dumped by people at their recycling posts. All of this is so easy. It may take a couple of minutes to do, but in the long run, it’ll save you hours of angst when there’s nowhere to dump your mounds of trash…

Wherever in the world you are, I do hope that the municipalities/neighbourhood/people surrounding you are making an effort – and that you are too!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Strange Days?

April 6, 2010 by Melanie Walker

It’s very pleasant to sit in my what-has-been-described as a “Boho-Chic cottage” in the Hurst and contemplate… not my navel, but the changing of things around me. Something curious occurs around about this time – apart from the fact that Johannesburg now seems to empty out twice a year, instead of just at Christmas. We can all feel the change of season coming I think, so like swallows heading for warmer climes during cold months – or lemmings chasing one another – everybody packs up the urban 4 x 4 and heads for the coast, to hang out with all the other Vaalies who are behaving like ostriches and refusing to look the fact that winter is coming in the eye. (Excuse all the animals imagery!) The last ditch attempt to enjoy summer and balmy warmth. Yes, leaves are changing colour, there are definitely little Japanese fighter pilots about, and thoughts turn – well, for me and other greenies certainly – to what on earth we’re going to grow in our gardens during the colder months. (Oddly, though, it has been pouring with rain here for the last few weeks, completely the wrong weather for this time of year. So one wonders if there is any truth to this global warming phenomenon. But that’s a whole other story for another time!)

There’s almost a sadness in the air as leaves begin to decay, flowers fade away, and the sun rises a little later every day. And I must admit to already contemplating when to start cocooning, or hibernating in my case! Almost time to get the winter woollies and knitting needles out and embrace the coming coolth.

But Johannesburg certainly becomes a very nice place to be when there aren’t so many people around to clog up the streets. Having just been down to the Cape, to cheer on my Cape Epic riding husband (and yes, he finished, although why anybody would want to put themselves through what I can only see is unmitigated hell for 8 days, the Lord alone knows…), I realised that the pace of life in our major city is somewhat unrelenting. But driving anywhere down there is a complete nightmare at the moment, so maybe it wouldn’t be the place for a speed freak like moi to live any time soon! (They’ve also been having unseasonable weather, with temperatures in the high thirties – but I take the rain with me wherever I go, so didn’t get to enjoy that.)

These are Strange Days Indeed, although possibly a little different to the days envisaged by Stuart R Ward (going round naked at this time of year, not exactly the most sensible thing to do), or by Francis Wheen – but there is a feeling among those I know that the world is perhaps on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Especially considering recent events on the political scene here in SA. (I don’t, however, do politics, but it was tres interesting seeing the counterbalancing of this past week’s Sunday Slimes front cover above the fold of Terre’Blanche’s murder on the one side, and Malema’s continued use of the Kill the Boer slogan… Yes, the press are the agents of polarisation!)

All this makes me think is that it may be quite nice to embrace a culture of counter-thinking, perhaps time to espouse an alternate lifestyle. A time for the Neo-Hippies to take back the streets and rid the world of yuppiedom, returning to a more Boho-chic way of life. Is this happening anywhere else other than in some little enclaves of Johannesburg? Could there soon be a revolution in the First World, one where people care about others and the environment, not just about how big their next car should be? As the Highveld settles down for a hopefully sedentary winter slumber, I hope that when spring raises its head again in a few months time, that people may come out of their cocoons all the better for it – and in a better frame of mind…

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Greetings from the Holey City

February 19, 2010 by Melanie Walker

Good Lord. Wha’ppened? I blinked, and it’s almost the end of February… Time flies when you’re having fun – or working too hard and have children who’ve just started school! But better late than nevah – so herewith the latest hits and missives from the Big Smoke – or as it’s been renamed these days – Po tholes. (Poh – tho – leez).

Yes, Jozi drivers are gatvol, as Johannesburg is riddled with holes – from potholes to manholes, they dot the city, the suburbs and the townships, severely damaging cars and causing accidents. In 2006, it was reported that in 10 months, the Johannesburg Roads Agency received 42 500 complaints of potholes across the city. Things have, alas, not improved since then… Apparently potholes have increased by 61% in Johannesburg in the last year or so, and officials are blaming the problem on “a failure to invest in the roads”. Johannesburg Roads Agency Chairman Khehle Shubane would not speak to the media about his statement that his organisation was not given enough money to fix potholes and resurface the city’s roads properly – because apparently there is budget, but possibly too much squabbling over who is to blame… Ah well, somebody’s going to have to get their A into G if they’re going to get it sorted by the time the soccer tourists come to our World Class African City.

Talking about the biggest event possibly to happen on the African continent – after Madiba’s release from prison, of course – The Fifa 2010 World Cup has elicited many questions from people around the world, which have been succinctly (and fairly amusingly!) answered on a South African Tourism Website (flyafrica.info). Kudos to the website owner!

Here are some of the queries he fielded with aplomb.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. …

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes…

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969 and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

And these FAQ from travelwires.com!

South Africa: Where’s that?
How well do you know Egypt? We would suggest a flight to Cairo, stop over and then a scenic African drive south. Your best bet would be to hire your car from Avis and arm yourself … purely as a precaution. This is what we call the “Garden Route” on account of the fact that, from the time you leave Cairo until the time you almost reach Zimbabwe, chances are that you and your family will have been buried in someone’s garden in Uganda, Congo, Rwanda …

Do South Africans speak English?
Ja-nee!

Which cities will host the games?
Pretoria, which may be called Tshwane, currently in Gauteng unless it’s annexed by Mpumalanga, and easily accessed by road from Cairo. If you decide to fly, then you will land at OR Tambo International Airport, unless it becomes Jacob Zuma International Airport, which is also currently in Gauteng. We have limited this answer on account of the real danger that all the cities, provinces and stadiums will have been relocated or renamed by the time you get here. Your best bet would be to simply call 1023 from your hotel room and ask for the absolute-final-latest, never-to-be-changed details, the day before your game kicks off. 1023 will then give you the latest telephone number for the organisers.

How many tickets will be available?
There are three million tickets allocated as follows :
2 900 000 — Fifa committee members, their families and friends
98 000 — Organisers, their families and friends.
1 998 — Corporate sponsors
1 — 94.7 Highveld Stereo lucky listener
1 — Goes on sale at Computicket (tba)

Should I come if I can’t get tickets?
Definitely, just spend a bit more time in Cairo before driving down.

In which time zone is South Africa?
Depends what you’ve been smoking.

What is the weather like?
Like it depends on what you’ve been smoking.

How do i get to games?
There is a very sophisticated road network that gridlocks about 3km from any starting point. You then abandon your vehicle and walk the remaining 20km or 30km to the venue. Do not listen to the garbage about there being lions in the streets. They aren’t stupid; they are usually about 200m away from gridlock points shading under trees and digesting tourists.

The trains are far better. Why not try taking a train from Soweto to Soccer City? For those without tickets you can “surf” on top of the train (see section on “decapitation” below). South Africa also has the latest planes, so don’t hesitate to fly. Please do not be alarmed if the pilots leave the intercom on by mistake and you overhear the following in the fifth hour of your two-hour flight: “O R Tambo … is that what used biverkningar to be called Johannesburg International … or Jan Smuts …?”

Is it safe to walk around?
Of course it’s safe! Ask any survivor and they’ll tell you that crime is down. It may however be more appropriate at times to quicken your pace to … let’s say, a sprint.

Where do i stay?
Ask me, I’m Moses.

Will I be able to phone home?
If you are English (see our section on “Immediate arrest at airport”.) it would be best to get a friend to make the call. Police stations only allow one local call.

Can I drink the water?
Of course you can. What’s the worst that can happen? (See also our section on hospitals and the treatment of fatal illnesses using beetroots and potatoes.)

What’s the food like?
The food is fabulous. There is something for everyone, or in the case of our northern man-eating neighbours, someone for everyone. There is, however, an anticipated shortage of beetroots and potatoes.

What currency does South Africa use?
What currency do you have?

Can I watch the games on my cellphone?
Sure, if you’re sitting in the stadium.

Does South Africa have modern banks?
Very much so. If you are rolling in money, please don’t hesitate to ask for credit. If you go one cent over your credit limit, see our sections on “repossession, liquidation enquiries and imprisonment”.

You are advised to use ATMs in the following way:
1. Insert card — sprint 200m away.
2. No explosion? Return and insert your details — sprint 200m away.
3. If no explosion, return to collect money and card, be robbed and sprint 200m towards the trees … NB: most lions will already be digesting tourists, so chances are …

What is a vuvuzela?
The north Bornean hunting vuvuzela, previously native to North America, may also be found in certain parts of South Africa. They feed mainly on plants but during droughts have been known to become flesh eating. Generally docile, they may become homicidal if they are disturbed while breeding. Chances are 50/50 that you’ll encounter one, so it’s hardly worth bothering about.

And here are some others they received, which kinda beggar belief. After all, TIA, my friends, TIA!

  • What measures have been taken into consideration for non-English speaking guests, since Mossel Bay has introduced Spanish lessons to cater for their Paraguayan visitors?
  • Will the oldest trade ‘prostitution’ prosper during the world cup?
  • Fan parks, will rural areas benefit from them?
  • Will  Hillbrow be safe to travel?
  • Will taxi drivers suddenly have manners, treat passengers and other motorists with respect?
  • Will metro police not take bribes and hide behind trees?
  • Will you run tsotsi taal classes for visiting guests?
  • Will Bafana Bafana be crowned 2010 champions? (um, sorry, highly unlikely I reckon..)
  • Will President Robert Mugabe be welcoming to British soccer fans?

I guess one can only put it down to this… Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages.

Oh, well, time to get out of my rut, and get back to making a dent in the fight against potholes.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Johannesburg Roads Agency, potholes

Hits and Missives

January 1, 2010 by Melanie Walker

BUddhist blessing

The Good - Buddhist blessing

Oh what a difference a day makes! All of a sudden, there's this sense of purpose, of urgency, of 'yes, we can do it' – and this isn't the US and we don't have a 'we are doing it' leader at the helm – but that's what the new year will do to you. Even though in reality, nothing much has changed since last year, erm, yesterday for the majority of us, other than possibly a babbelas that is taking some time to work off….

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was a Blue Moon with a partial eclipse – now, how often does THAT happen at New Years? Or maybe everybody had just had enough of what most had claimed to be a really k*k year and were glad to be seeing the back of it.

Whatever it was, this is always a good time to take a look back at what the year gone by held for us. For somebody who’s not all that interested in the news (of course, a bone of contention in our house as my husband’s a photo-journalist), I can only relate to the news that had a direct effect on my own little home in the Big Smoke.

The Bad...Bye bye Monster

The Bad...Bye bye Monster

The biggest smoke was of course the demise of the aforesaid man’s beloved Ducati Monster, which went up in flames in Diepsloot when the police, who had designated parking for the press, went on lunch, which proved to be the ideal opportunity for all those who until then had been ‘peacefully protesting’ the lack of service delivery to go on the rampage and torch the bike. By all accounts, from the international press that were there, the scene was almost exactly like one out of “District 9” (yes, the movie that caused all the trouble with our ‘neighbours’ up north, those that have now made Hillbrow into a suburb of Lagos!) How this would help the demonstrators get water and sewerage out of the ANC councillors, the Lord alone knows, but they must have had some idea – mustn’t they?

But once the haze had cleared, we realised that we are still incredibly fortunate compared to the majority of people who inhabit this country – and really glad that for some reason I’d had the foresight to have SASRIA cover for just this occasion. I’m sure, at some stage, the insurers will get it together and pay out… Fingers crossed!

An event that may have passed many by, but proved to be a great teaching experience for our twins was the precious collection of sacred relics of the Buddha and many other Buddhist masters which toured the world during the year. Heading to the Lam Rim Buddhist Centre in Cottesloe to have the family blessed was certainly worth it – and the girls managed not to dissolve into giggles with the ‘om-in-um-oh-in’ from the monk giving the blessing over their heads. These relics were found among the cremation ashes of said Buddhist masters and resemble beautiful, pearl-like crystals and are believed to embody the master’s spiritual qualities of compassion and wisdom and are deliberately produced by the master at the time of death. Would have been nice to get all the hectic, stressed, road-raged people to come and find some peace – but thanks to the Maitreya Project for spreading the word! The project is based on the belief that inner peace and outer peace share a cause and effect relationship and that loving-kindness leads to peace at every level of society — peace for individuals, families, communities and the world. A good thing to reflect on not only at New Year, but also pretty much every day, methinks.

The Wish at Afrika Burns, Tankwa, Karoo

The Beautiful - The Wish at Afrika Burns, Tankwa, Karoo

Obviously not being a news hound, things like cultural events, sport and dance, music and all the entertainment related things (like tv) which pretty much make up the world in which I live and work were the things that got noticed. They may not happen in Johannesburg a lot of the time, but getting out of Johannesburg to spend some time at Splashy Fen in Underberg with its amazing line-up of music, or heading for Durban in the middle of an icy Highveld winter to have all the locals shaking their heads at these weird Vaalies taking a dip (well, it was warm for goodness sake!), taking a three hour drive to the middle of the Free State to spend some time at the Holy Trail (a seriously fabulous mountain biking spot somewhere near Fouriesburg) or sending the man off to Afrika Burns in the middle of Tankwa, Karoo, certainly make living in this mad, hectic city bearable.

And that’s why we’re so lucky to be here. It’s so easy to go off somewhere completely different without too much hassle, too much trouble, or too much expense. Yes, mostly the talk from people we bump into is hey, what an awful year 2009 was. And it was difficult for so many, not just here, but worldwide because of the economic climate. But hell, most of the time getting a positive attitude towards everything that goes down around you (and boy, can it go down sometimes!) can make a world of difference. It’s a thing to do not just when the calendar ticks over to a new decade, but every day. It’s not something to be considered once in a blue moon after all….

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Getting all Worked up about not a lot!

November 25, 2009 by Melanie Walker

There’s an interesting thing that happens in Joburg at this time of year. It’s almost as if there’s a collective letting go of breath that’s been held in all year. Yup, people in Johannesburg are known for being over-achievers, hard workers, go-getters and general road-hogs – so it’s quite a relief to realise that the majority of them will head off to other parts of the country (and the world) for the Christmas season, leaving those among us who’re staying home to enjoy how beautiful the city can actually be when devoid of all the ill-mannered and bad-tempered people that seem to inhabit it!

I’ve often said that if a genie jumped out of a well-burnished lamp and granted me three wishes, the one I’d have for ME and ME alone would be to have the roads to myself at least once a week – well, I’d obviously let bikes, motorbikes and pedestrians use them too. But this has been changed to the wish that only well-mannered, proper, licensed drivers who actually know what STOP means would be allowed on the road in this perfect little world of mine.

(And if you think this is only my big bugbear – think again! I have a number of friends who have actually left here because of the seriously bad driving, not only in this city, but alas, all round the country. Hopefully those driving country this festive season ensure that they keep the merry spirit going by not having too many festive ‘spirits’ and going and running over some poor unsuspecting reveller…)

It was also really pleasant to see the streets devoid of traffic, other than bicycles, for a whole morning as the Cycle Challenge took to the roads, much to the chagrin of those other two-wheeled road users, the bikers, who had to amend their routes for their high-speed breakfast runs to accommodate the non-petrol heads. Even so, there were a few injuries and alas, another death which overshadowed the event, but not from being whacked by a whacked-out speed-freak driver.

However, my bit in the whole event was well over by that time, with the registration all done, and the Cycle Challenge Experience well wrapped up. So I stayed home! But big ups to the inspired CHOC cows, 50 of whom once again took to the streets in full cow costume to raise money for their worthy cause. I must say, having them at the Experience was a blast too, and so glad to see so many people who visited the expo were ready to dip into their pockets to give to them  too.

Choc Cows make it an Experience to remember

Mooo-ving right along and leaving the roads and the Sandton Convention Centre – back to some facts. I have informed SCC and the public relations department of the City of Johannesburg that they need to get their ducks in a row, as I’ve been told by a couple of people that Johannesburg is NOT the only city in the world that is neither on a major river or by the seaside. I’m sure the relevant departments will make full apologies in due course to the other major cities that have been snubbed (!? Yeah, right…. But that’s a story for another time…). But I’m glad to be able to inform you that our goldfields here on the Witwatersrand are estimated to be 30 times richer than any other gold fields in the world, Downtown Johannesburg has the third best collection of Art Deco buildings in the world, that the greater Johannesburg metropolis covers an area of 2 300 square kilometres,  making it larger than New York, London or Sydney  (eat yer hearts out!) and that electricity in Gauteng is the third cheapest in the world according to a World Economic Forum survey (well, that’s when it’s actually working, of course, and prior to the proposed 45% hike in tariffs that we’re facing in the new year…).

Right, nuff said. My new earthworm farm has just arrived, and I must away to make the latest members of our menagerie at home… VermiJus, here we come!

PS… If you find anything wrong with those facts, please contact the Gauteng Tourism Authority direct!

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Crazy Daze …

October 28, 2009 by Melanie Walker

Hoezeet, once again, from the only major city in the world that is neither on the coast nor has a river running through it. (And I was wondering why we had to travel so far to go fly-fishing….) How could I have lived here all my life and only found that out yesterday? We all know that this is the largest urban forest in the world, with six million trees across the city, blah blah blah, but did you know that Johannesburg is the only place on the African continent that has polar bears? Interesting what you can find out when you're wandering around the gorgeous Parks suburbs. We should come up with more interesting facts or stories when asked what's good about SA's biggest city. (In the interim, I'll be one of those people prodigiously adding to our fabulous forest). And yes, the whole town is buzzing – flowers are out, insects and birds are frenetic, and our wonderful afternoon thunderstorms have been making their appearance – finally!

Actually, the city is a hive of activity – well, from my point of view, definitely – as it gears up for the second largest timed cycle race in the world, the Momentum 94.7 Cycle Challenge. Until my husband started riding a bicycle, even though I'm on the periphery of this sport, I'd never noticed how many people have gotten on their bikes. And I'm not just talking about roadies either. With The Man in training for the Cape Epic (and oh boy, they announced the route yesterday, and it's definitely living up to its name), the streams of mountainbikers who are up and down the sloots and rivers in the area are fairly impressive. Now if we could just get all those drivers of gas-guzzling nonsensical urban four wheel drives to get onto two wheels and lower their carbon footprint, we'd have a city where we could hear nature instead of just the drone of engines and wheel rumble on the tarmac.

Me, however, I'll just continue to live up to my name and stick with walking!

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Spring has Sprung??

August 15, 2009 by Melanie Walker

There’s great excitement in many parts that spring is on its way. And I must admit to having that little frisson of excitement tickling me between my shoulderblades as I felt the earth move slightly on its axis and suddenly became aware of the very faint sound of the sap rising in the plants and blossoms burgeoning here and there. But how soon they forget. Yes, September 1st is on its way, and it may be official Spring Day, but there’s an alarming tendency for snow to fall in Johannesburg in September.

Garden World in Muldersdrift recently opened their Spring Festival (titled “The Art of Living” – fancy spending a half a bar on a seriously SLINKY garden? – that’s what the one that won would set you back, by the way). One week after they ‘officially welcomed spring’, Jozi had its coldest weekend evah, with serious amounts of rain and sleet and spots of snow in areas. Fortunately, we’d headed for the balmy climes of Durbs for the weekend, so missed that one! It may be warm enough some days to wear only one long sleeved top during the day, but it's by no means time to pack away the winter wardrobe for a while, methinks.

Therefore, until winter is officially over, I think I’ll spring back into bed and hibernate.

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